Finally it was just a dream...sigh

Just received my IELTS result this time, I still couldn't get 4 sevens, although with a impressive average(7.5). Reading mark quite encourages me(7.5), but the examiner just gave me 6.5 on both writing and speaking.

This is a full stop for this half year. I wished I passed this test. The wish was very strong, and the preparation was much more demanding than any previous times, but in the end, it still came to no avail. But I believe that God has a purpose behind all of these, as this fact draws me to face the reality. The result warns me that my English needs improvement. Therefore, I accept this mark peacefully and remind myself to study hard this year. Try to find a office work if I can at the same time.

I love my canditate number!

Today I sat in the IELTS test, I did not bad.

I believe that God arranges everything behind all things.

My canditate number is 025414, and 0,1,2,5are my luckiest numbers. They are highly related to my salvation and baptism, my salvation date was on 25th of the 10th, and I was baptised on 21st of May.

I just thought of 4, what's that? yeah, got it! 4 sevens this time! 2 fours, rest assured, no drama.

This morning when I firstly sat in the exam, I was a bit pissed off because my desk and chair are pretty unstable, both of them lacked of one foot. But now I know, God did this on purpose. He wanted to build up my patience.

Persevere with the prayer and hard work for my oral part. In God's name, AMEN!

Why I cannot?

Today I prepared for the oral part of the IELTS test. When I tried to ask questions to myself and use English to answer it, I just felt I had nothing to say.

In the previous tests I always felt it was not too bad although sometimes I might made some mistakes, I had never been suspicious of my fluency. But when I did the simulation with my housemate several weeks ago, when I did it on today, I felt so stressed.

I just wonder that I have come to Australia for so long, how come I still cannot speak very good English. Sometimes I felt like so much living as an out-going and extroverted English speaking person.

Sigh...

God, I feel so lack of confidence these days, my IELTS test, the master course I am gonna take, driving test, job huntings, future girlfriends... When I read psalms, I was so touched by King David's cry--my God, why have you forsaken me, why didn't you answer my call!

2 or 3 years ago

2 or 3 years ago, when I was just 20,21, when I was just in year 2

I thought life was just so easy, and in that year life was full of fantasies

I used to dream I could be proficient at German

but now I have found even my English is not good enough

I used to dream I could be getting rich easily and doing charities by myself

but now I have found that it is even hard to feed myself

I used to think I was mature enough and able to handle big things in life

but now I even feel it is hard to get over the current situation

I used to, I used to dream like a 16-year-old boy 3 years ago

However, when I received my poor academic results, when I had to do hard labour work very reluctantly just to sustain myself

I gradually realised--life is not for fun.

The facts--push me to face the REALITY.

This is all I have got--EXPERIENCE!

And I will face the REALITY, jump into this CRUCIBLE. This is life.

To everyone who is struggling with exams

Today I just felt so down. I realised my family's hard situation. To me, it is also very embarassing. Most probably I will go to take the master course in Deakin. And I felt frustrated again when preparing IELTS test.
During that time I was just so wanting to drive to Rob's place to confide all of these to him! But I couldn't make that--obviously we were in different countries. So I summit this to God.I called and he answered. Below are what the Holy Spirit told me.
Ricky, don't forget, Jesus is higher than all the governors in this world. His authority is bigger than that of the examiners. Ricky, your part is very little when comparing with that of God! You should be confident of yourself. And at any time, please remember you have been chosen by God. You are a God's child. Whatever the exam result is, there are reasons behind that. God arranged you to study in Deakin next year. This arrangement has a purpose. Be joyful and be happy, because he is preparing and making everything good for you in his schedule.
A-men!