A few days ago when I visited Rob, as I confided my anxiety to him, he said there was a reason for God put all the things into my life. He showed me a very familiar scripture—Romans 8:28 We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
I know I was too proud in the midst of this year. During that time I was so soaked in my different fantasies all the days. In the end, I pretty much failed all the tests.
I also believe that my dad’s operation is a test for my faith. When I was in year 2, I dreamed to be a philanthropist all the time. I also very very wished I could have been a social worker who took care of mental patients. But when my dad lived in hospital, I even could not take care of him from all my strength and all my heart. I was just so impatient for my own dad, to say nothing of being a social worker. God just put these things to let me know I am not enough, to “slash” my pride. Completely have I a long way to go!
Just a moment ago, my friend Ray gave me a call to ask some immigration information of me. To be honest, I was a bit impatient. God just delicately put this incident into my life to reveal something to me. Thanks God! For you always let the very thing happen in that very time.
2008年12月23日星期二
2008年12月15日星期一
Chicken ribs, sigh!!!
My favourite dictionary Lingoes translates the Chinese slang “chicken ribs” as these: things of little value or interest; something one is reluctant to give up though it is both tasteless and meaningless!
I ate a lot of chicken ribs in these days, and they just so suck! I used exactly 2 whole weeks to finish reading a 120 pages grammar book. To be honest, not everyday I studied during those 2 weeks, which is the major reason why I spent so long time to finish a grammar book. After leaving high school for more than 6 years, it was the first time for me to pick up English grammar book to go over all the grammatical stuff. I do this purposely because I am still so struggling with English grammar even now—after living in an English speaking country for more than 4 years! And the worst thing, always happens, is that making mistakes in the most important bloody IELTS test just because of being weak at English grammar.
Therefore, better a finger off than aye wagging! I commit time to finish reading the grammar book, which is an “internal” material used by new oriental schools to their IELTS beginner class students. What I did was using a big notepad to take notes from that book while reading and I could say it more or less works—it is worthy but only worth a dime. What a weird thing! What else could I do in my current embarrassing situation! After going through the whole grammar book, I did the test in the appendix and got about 80 percent correct for the multiple choice questions there. Anyway, that’s not too bad.
Today I began to prepare my speaking part finally. I have never prepared speaking part before, including 2 tests I took 5 years ago, and 5 bloody tests I failed in these recent 2 years—Oh, goodness, 2 years now, for this bloody test!!!
I spent a few hours today on preparing the oral tests, it sucks! I felt it was another piece of “chicken ribs”! But I do believe it more or less works, so I am just nibbling at this rib now. Uh…in the evening my housemate Mike did the simulation speaking test with me as the examiner, and we recorded the speaking. Sigh! Feel there is still a long way to go.
The only hope is in God now. King Solomon said:” God has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”(Ecclesiastes 3:11) As I am nibbling at the “chicken rib” now, I believe that God has made and is making the way for me!
I ate a lot of chicken ribs in these days, and they just so suck! I used exactly 2 whole weeks to finish reading a 120 pages grammar book. To be honest, not everyday I studied during those 2 weeks, which is the major reason why I spent so long time to finish a grammar book. After leaving high school for more than 6 years, it was the first time for me to pick up English grammar book to go over all the grammatical stuff. I do this purposely because I am still so struggling with English grammar even now—after living in an English speaking country for more than 4 years! And the worst thing, always happens, is that making mistakes in the most important bloody IELTS test just because of being weak at English grammar.
Therefore, better a finger off than aye wagging! I commit time to finish reading the grammar book, which is an “internal” material used by new oriental schools to their IELTS beginner class students. What I did was using a big notepad to take notes from that book while reading and I could say it more or less works—it is worthy but only worth a dime. What a weird thing! What else could I do in my current embarrassing situation! After going through the whole grammar book, I did the test in the appendix and got about 80 percent correct for the multiple choice questions there. Anyway, that’s not too bad.
Today I began to prepare my speaking part finally. I have never prepared speaking part before, including 2 tests I took 5 years ago, and 5 bloody tests I failed in these recent 2 years—Oh, goodness, 2 years now, for this bloody test!!!
I spent a few hours today on preparing the oral tests, it sucks! I felt it was another piece of “chicken ribs”! But I do believe it more or less works, so I am just nibbling at this rib now. Uh…in the evening my housemate Mike did the simulation speaking test with me as the examiner, and we recorded the speaking. Sigh! Feel there is still a long way to go.
The only hope is in God now. King Solomon said:” God has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”(Ecclesiastes 3:11) As I am nibbling at the “chicken rib” now, I believe that God has made and is making the way for me!
2008年12月6日星期六
上帝在我身上的做工！
一个月前的今天，当我面对再次混乱的生活而无所适从时，我做出了一个重要的决定，坚持记灵命日记。到今天，坚持了整整一个月了，当我翻看一个月中的日记时，惊讶于上帝在我身上的做工--整个人的状态积极多了。
感谢主！第一次这样认真地、系统地读一卷圣经，箴言书里面的智慧经常是和日常生活紧密相连的，当我回头翻灵命日记的时候，经常会发现自己通过读箴言而得到警醒--抑或是内心的骄傲，生活的懒惰，交友问题，情感问题，尊重父母问题，关心邻舍问题等等。在我在日记上警醒自己的同时，我更加清楚地看到了内心隐藏的原罪。这种清醒无疑是痛苦的，但我享受着这挣扎，它必将给我的生命带来光辉。
望上帝继续在我身上做工，从明天起每天读一章《诗篇》，阿门！
感谢主！第一次这样认真地、系统地读一卷圣经，箴言书里面的智慧经常是和日常生活紧密相连的，当我回头翻灵命日记的时候，经常会发现自己通过读箴言而得到警醒--抑或是内心的骄傲，生活的懒惰，交友问题，情感问题，尊重父母问题，关心邻舍问题等等。在我在日记上警醒自己的同时，我更加清楚地看到了内心隐藏的原罪。这种清醒无疑是痛苦的，但我享受着这挣扎，它必将给我的生命带来光辉。
望上帝继续在我身上做工，从明天起每天读一章《诗篇》，阿门！
2008年12月1日星期一
再一次警醒自己！
这2天睡了太多懒觉，用所罗门王的箴言警醒一下自己吧！
Proverbs 25:30-34
30 I went past the field of the sluggard, past the vineyard of the man who lacks judgment;
31 thorns had come up everywhere, the ground was covered with weeds, and the stone wall was in ruins.
32 I applied to my heart to what I observed and learned a lesson from what I saw:
33 A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest--
34 and poverty will come on you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man.
和合本这样翻译道：
还有一处经文也适用于我现在：
Proverbs 24:10 If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength!
箴24:10 你在患难之日若胆怯，你的力量就微小。
Father Lord, your words are my power,my shelter and my strength, I obey you! A-men!
Proverbs 25:30-34
30 I went past the field of the sluggard, past the vineyard of the man who lacks judgment;
31 thorns had come up everywhere, the ground was covered with weeds, and the stone wall was in ruins.
32 I applied to my heart to what I observed and learned a lesson from what I saw:
33 A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest--
34 and poverty will come on you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man.
和合本这样翻译道：
箴24:30 | 我经过懒惰人的田地、无知人的葡萄园， |
| 箴24:31 | 荆棘长满了地皮，刺草遮盖了田面，石墙也坍塌了。 |
| 箴24:32 | 我看见就留心思想，我看着就领了训诲。 |
| 箴24:33 | 再睡片时，打盹片时，抱着手躺卧片时， |
| 箴24:34 | 你的贫穷，就必如强盗速来，你的缺乏，彷佛拿兵器的人来到。 |
还有一处经文也适用于我现在：
Proverbs 24:10 If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength!
箴24:10 你在患难之日若胆怯，你的力量就微小。
Father Lord, your words are my power,my shelter and my strength, I obey you! A-men!
2008年11月22日星期六
22 Nov Life Journal
God is good! He is also good for today. This noon we came to church to celebrate sister Wailing's farewell together. I haven't seen her for about several months now. She still looks quite vigorous. During the lunch, she sat down a while to catch up with me, and I confided some situations I face now to her. Today we had a very substantial lunch together, and most of the dishes they brought were Malaysian style which is with lots of curry. Meanwhile, I saw many old church friends who I haven't seen for several months or even several years. It's so amazed that I saw a familiar sister Maggie who originally came from HangZhou today. She went to the Christmas Eve celebration party exactly 4 years ago where I saw her first time there. Today I judged from her Chinese accent and a very vague visual memory to identify she is the same person whom I met 4 years ago! Yes, she is! And she also said I lost lots of weight during the years. Of course she didn't know my medication condition at all...
Sister Wailing finally is going back to Singapore now, which is arranged both by Student Life and God, though she herself doesn’t really feel like leaving the country so early. But just as pastor Moses said: "An end of this stage is a beginning for another stage." A-men! God have mercy! Bless and anoint her in her new stage of life!
In the afternoon I played basketball with Joe, Mike and Jason. After playing, Joe ate a bit with me at home. A detail impressed me where after he finished eating, he consciously went to wash the dishes. This feature, the inside beauty of a man, I do believe it is from God. To gain this kind of feature, we must keep spending time with God everyday and obey his commandments so we can fruit the fruits from the Holy Spirit--Love, Joy, Peace, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-control.
Proverbs 16:18 Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.
Causes always go before the effects. This scripture tells me pride is the cause of destruction, and a haughty spirit leads to a fall. A big lesson I learnt from this year is how pride and a haughty spirit can destroy a man and lead him to a fall. For the sake of pride, I failed so many tests and fell so much! Jesus, now I confess all the sins I have committed and humble myself in the sight of you! From now and forever! A-men.
2008年11月5日星期三
Ricky: Things you must be conscious!
Time goes so fast! It's Novemember now. The aim of this journal is to remind myself a few things I must be conscious.
Bruce replied in his email as this: he still uses pen and paper to write diary, because that makes him easily read it at any time and any place. After all, under different circumstances and with differernt attitudes, it is hard to exactly recall every single previous prefound feelings. So you should also always read what you have written, to see whether you have got improved.
So today I write.
Ricky, these are the things you must be aware of, must be conscious!
What are you doing with yourself now?
What are you going to do today?
When are you going to finish the things listed in you daily plan?
How are you going to make those?
Are you wasting your time as usual?
Also, are you day dreaming again?
Please, please! Put yourself into present tense.
Say: I am not sleeping now. I am awake. I am doing this day's job. Ricky, please never imagine going back to the past and try to change something out there, which is a bul-shit waste of time!
If you have some fantasies while you are working, tell youself you are still at work, so say that I would rather to enjoy the present than to live in a world of fantasy!
Bruce replied in his email as this: he still uses pen and paper to write diary, because that makes him easily read it at any time and any place. After all, under different circumstances and with differernt attitudes, it is hard to exactly recall every single previous prefound feelings. So you should also always read what you have written, to see whether you have got improved.
So today I write.
Ricky, these are the things you must be aware of, must be conscious!
What are you doing with yourself now?
What are you going to do today?
When are you going to finish the things listed in you daily plan?
How are you going to make those?
Are you wasting your time as usual?
Also, are you day dreaming again?
Please, please! Put yourself into present tense.
Say: I am not sleeping now. I am awake. I am doing this day's job. Ricky, please never imagine going back to the past and try to change something out there, which is a bul-shit waste of time!
If you have some fantasies while you are working, tell youself you are still at work, so say that I would rather to enjoy the present than to live in a world of fantasy!
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